I've kept it clean, but now it's high time for every dirty, awful word, You've had your chance to make your peace, but now I'm gonna be sure this hurts, this is shock, this is awe, this is war.
You FAIL as a parent.
I JUST went to therapy last night.
I JUST told you I was pissed off!
I JUST went upstairs!
I asked you to bring me something, hoping you'd see I'd been crying, but nope. You didn't say anything.
I don't know why I expected you to. You never ask how I'm feeling, and when I tell you without you asking, you don't care enough to ask why.
Do you want to know why I'm upset?
Well, here, I'll tell you anyway.
You let Bethany have WHATEVER she wants. No consequence. If she gets in trouble, she runs to Grandma, and you stop her punishment.
I'm sorry, she's 21, still lives at home, and she treats me like shit.
She get's new, expensive phones all the time because she's too stupid to take care of it. I have a shit phone that I never wanted in the first place.
She runs around with her boyfriend all the time, doesn't do her schoolwork, and makes stupid decisions that will only help her.
I can't remember the last time I did something for myself.
I'm told my decisions are stupid.
I'm told what I want DOESN'T MATTER.
I've been telling you for a week that I ran out of conditioner. I'm almost out of shampoo.
Nothing has changed. I'm still out of conditioner, I barely have shampoo.
I ran out of my body wash that calms me down and helps me sleep. That's the first thing I've directly asked for in a long time. And "it's too expensive" so I'm left with nothing.
Can my boyfriend come over? Nope. Not until my room is clean. He isn't even allowed upstairs.
Can Bethany's boyfriend come over? Sure. Whatever. Anytime.
Good for her.
I'm sick of being treated like shit, and I want to be let out of this hell.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Kiss Me Slowly
Well, I'm not sure what this is gonna be,
But with my eyes closed all I see
Is the skyline, through the window,
The moon above you and the streets below.
Hold my breath as you're moving in,
Taste your lips and feel your skin.
When the time comes, baby don't run, just kiss me slowly.
I'm so happy.
I'm kinda FINALLY dating that Sam kid. :]
And it's not fake. At all. I can tell he cares.
It's like we both realized that we shouldn't care what others think.
And we're together a lot.
And he tells me he loves me.
And I've been waiting for so long for something to turn out right.
And I'm so glad that it was this thing that did.
I can't even explain my joy anymore.
Life is good. :]
But with my eyes closed all I see
Is the skyline, through the window,
The moon above you and the streets below.
Hold my breath as you're moving in,
Taste your lips and feel your skin.
When the time comes, baby don't run, just kiss me slowly.
I'm so happy.
I'm kinda FINALLY dating that Sam kid. :]
And it's not fake. At all. I can tell he cares.
It's like we both realized that we shouldn't care what others think.
And we're together a lot.
And he tells me he loves me.
And I've been waiting for so long for something to turn out right.
And I'm so glad that it was this thing that did.
I can't even explain my joy anymore.
Life is good. :]
Sunday, August 21, 2011
The Dirty Banana Song
Me and a couple of my friends wrote a song in 6th grade.
The Dirty Banana Song.
The Dirty Banana Song (to the tune of "I've been working on the railroad")
I'm a dirty banana, all the live long day,
I'm a dirty banana, just to pass the time away,
Can't you hear the banana shouting,
"TAKE A BATH RIGHT NOW!"
Can't you hear the banana shouting,
"TAKE A BATH RIGHT NOW!"
Banana won't you take,
Banana won't you take,
Banana won't you take a ba-a-ath!
Banana won't you take,
Banana won't you take,
Banana won't you take a bath!
There's someone in the bathtub with the banana,
There's someone in the bathtub, I kno-o-o-ow,
There's someone in the bathtub with the banana,
Scrubbing him with the soap!
I love my friends.
The Dirty Banana Song.
The Dirty Banana Song (to the tune of "I've been working on the railroad")
I'm a dirty banana, all the live long day,
I'm a dirty banana, just to pass the time away,
Can't you hear the banana shouting,
"TAKE A BATH RIGHT NOW!"
Can't you hear the banana shouting,
"TAKE A BATH RIGHT NOW!"
Banana won't you take,
Banana won't you take,
Banana won't you take a ba-a-ath!
Banana won't you take,
Banana won't you take,
Banana won't you take a bath!
There's someone in the bathtub with the banana,
There's someone in the bathtub, I kno-o-o-ow,
There's someone in the bathtub with the banana,
Scrubbing him with the soap!
I love my friends.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Killing Me Softly
Strumming my pain with his fingers, singing my life with his words, killing me softly with his song, killing me softly, with his song...
Okay. So I really like this boy. <3
He's way nice and I wanna be with him.
But sometimes we don't talk for weeks.
I wish I had a relationship like my friend.
Her and her "not boyfriend" sat on skype for an hour and a half. While I just had to sit there. Lame. Whatever. I don't care...
But yeah. I miss things. Nostalgia needs to carry me home. <3
-Megan<3[:
Okay. So I really like this boy. <3
He's way nice and I wanna be with him.
But sometimes we don't talk for weeks.
I wish I had a relationship like my friend.
Her and her "not boyfriend" sat on skype for an hour and a half. While I just had to sit there. Lame. Whatever. I don't care...
But yeah. I miss things. Nostalgia needs to carry me home. <3
-Megan<3[:
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Don't Tell Anyone....
But you can see through me (yeah)
How you get to me
You know I'm just a fraud
I'm just afraid
I feel the same
But don't tell anyone
Don't tell anyone
Don't tell anyone, but she loves you.
Don't tell anyone, but she yearns for you.
She loves you with the utmost love, but don't tell anyone.
It killed her when you walked away, but don't tell anyone.
And she always felt safe in your arms, but don't tell anyone.
Don't tell anyone, but she lost her way,
And she often cries herself to sleep, but don't tell anyone.
Don't tell anyone.
Life. Sucks.
-Megan]:
How you get to me
You know I'm just a fraud
I'm just afraid
I feel the same
But don't tell anyone
Don't tell anyone
Don't tell anyone, but she loves you.
Don't tell anyone, but she yearns for you.
She loves you with the utmost love, but don't tell anyone.
It killed her when you walked away, but don't tell anyone.
And she always felt safe in your arms, but don't tell anyone.
Don't tell anyone, but she lost her way,
And she often cries herself to sleep, but don't tell anyone.
Don't tell anyone.
Life. Sucks.
-Megan]:
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Gravity
Something always brings me back to you It never takes too long No matter what I say or do I still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone Set me free, leave me be I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity Here I am and I stand so tall I'm just the way I'm supposed to be But you're on to me and all over me...
Sam. Right now, I cannot stand him. But yet, I still love him...
He started talking to me again, and we talked for about 2 weeks, and started dating. It was the best almost week of my life.
Everything was going great; he came over to my house and kissed me.
Best night ever.
A few days later, his friend came over to his house and took his phone.
She started b*tching me out. Full on b*tch fit. For no reason.
I was mad at Sam, after all, he had let it happen.
Then I realized that I shouldn't have been acting like that, and I apologized.
The rest of that day and the next day were terrible. We barely talked.
I wasn't feeling well, and my family was having a Superbowl party, so I couldn't just run away from the problem.
He texted me and said he had something to tell me, and I asked if it would upset me.
It did.
He broke up with me because he "was just using [me] because [he] was tired of being single. And [he] feels really bad about it."
Yeah, I didn't sleep much that night.
4 hours of sleep, an upset stomach and a broken heart at school on Monday.
I went home early and slept.
The next night, last night, I got 4 and a half hours of sleep.
Life cannot give me a break anymore, and I'm sick of it.
Everytime my life gets to be better, and I get happier, I just end up getting screwed over.
I dunno. I'm over it.
Bye.
--Megan...
Sam. Right now, I cannot stand him. But yet, I still love him...
He started talking to me again, and we talked for about 2 weeks, and started dating. It was the best almost week of my life.
Everything was going great; he came over to my house and kissed me.
Best night ever.
A few days later, his friend came over to his house and took his phone.
She started b*tching me out. Full on b*tch fit. For no reason.
I was mad at Sam, after all, he had let it happen.
Then I realized that I shouldn't have been acting like that, and I apologized.
The rest of that day and the next day were terrible. We barely talked.
I wasn't feeling well, and my family was having a Superbowl party, so I couldn't just run away from the problem.
He texted me and said he had something to tell me, and I asked if it would upset me.
It did.
He broke up with me because he "was just using [me] because [he] was tired of being single. And [he] feels really bad about it."
Yeah, I didn't sleep much that night.
4 hours of sleep, an upset stomach and a broken heart at school on Monday.
I went home early and slept.
The next night, last night, I got 4 and a half hours of sleep.
Life cannot give me a break anymore, and I'm sick of it.
Everytime my life gets to be better, and I get happier, I just end up getting screwed over.
I dunno. I'm over it.
Bye.
--Megan...
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Be My Escape
I gotta get out of here, and I'm begging you, I'm begging you, I'm begging you to be my escape...
Sam. He apologized. We're texting as I type this. It's a great feeling, yet I feel like I need to puke. I'm a lot better than I was twenty minutes ago when he first messaged me. I feel like a little kid again. :)
I just worry about getting hurt again. I don't want that to happen. Can I trust him? (I'm worried that with being sleep deprived and unable to form more than 3 coherent responses in a 5 minute span that I wouldn't be able to see a lie if he threw one in my face.)
Puking sounds nice. I think tomorrow I'm going to tell you all about tknight, minus Sam.
Laterrr.
-Megan:?
Sam. He apologized. We're texting as I type this. It's a great feeling, yet I feel like I need to puke. I'm a lot better than I was twenty minutes ago when he first messaged me. I feel like a little kid again. :)
I just worry about getting hurt again. I don't want that to happen. Can I trust him? (I'm worried that with being sleep deprived and unable to form more than 3 coherent responses in a 5 minute span that I wouldn't be able to see a lie if he threw one in my face.)
Puking sounds nice. I think tomorrow I'm going to tell you all about tknight, minus Sam.
Laterrr.
-Megan:?
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Timshel
But you are not alone in this, you are not alone in this, as brothers we will stand and we'll hold your hand...
I guess I put it all out on the table today. You know everything. Everything that has gotten to me, and how much ignoring me and making me fail hurts.
You know everything about me. That scares me.
We were talking about school, and then I felt myself about to cry.
We talked about school for forever, and then you changed it to the notebook. The notebook that holds my biggest secret.
I will admit, I hate the sound of my own voice, especially when I'm crying. And yes, I was crying. I cried a lot today.
I feel like I want to trust you, but I hate to talk about it sometimes. I've been dreading talking about it, because it is so serious, and it really does get to me.
And then you made me clean.
But now I have a secret that you'll never know.
My secrets have taken their toll on me, but I can't let it get to me. When it gets to me, I can't do anything.
I honestly miss him. But I'm quite afraid of him, he has a power that somehow controls me. I heard his voice today, and just wanted to stand there and listen, and hold on to every word, which I got to do for a second, because of the super crowded hallways.
I miss everything we used to do together. I miss the way we'd make him jealous, and piss him off. I would give anything for those days. ANYTHING.
I'd give up my future just to have him in my life again.
I guess I'm feeling lovesick, which is normal for a teenager that's been single for 10 months. At least I hope it counts as normal.
I want to be in his first period. All my friends are in there, and, of course, so is he. I wonder if he'd start talkig to me again if we had classes together. I wonder how things would have turned out if Alice hadn't gotten in the way of everything. If she had ignored you for two more days, we'd be happy together. And she wants to go off on me?! I never once gave up on him...
Blehh. I just want to sleep now. And since it's 11:30, I probably should.
Friday. <3 I'm going to come home, sleep, and not wake up except to eat and pee.
I already decided(:
-Love,,Megan O:
I guess I put it all out on the table today. You know everything. Everything that has gotten to me, and how much ignoring me and making me fail hurts.
You know everything about me. That scares me.
We were talking about school, and then I felt myself about to cry.
We talked about school for forever, and then you changed it to the notebook. The notebook that holds my biggest secret.
I will admit, I hate the sound of my own voice, especially when I'm crying. And yes, I was crying. I cried a lot today.
I feel like I want to trust you, but I hate to talk about it sometimes. I've been dreading talking about it, because it is so serious, and it really does get to me.
And then you made me clean.
But now I have a secret that you'll never know.
My secrets have taken their toll on me, but I can't let it get to me. When it gets to me, I can't do anything.
I honestly miss him. But I'm quite afraid of him, he has a power that somehow controls me. I heard his voice today, and just wanted to stand there and listen, and hold on to every word, which I got to do for a second, because of the super crowded hallways.
I miss everything we used to do together. I miss the way we'd make him jealous, and piss him off. I would give anything for those days. ANYTHING.
I'd give up my future just to have him in my life again.
I guess I'm feeling lovesick, which is normal for a teenager that's been single for 10 months. At least I hope it counts as normal.
I want to be in his first period. All my friends are in there, and, of course, so is he. I wonder if he'd start talkig to me again if we had classes together. I wonder how things would have turned out if Alice hadn't gotten in the way of everything. If she had ignored you for two more days, we'd be happy together. And she wants to go off on me?! I never once gave up on him...
Blehh. I just want to sleep now. And since it's 11:30, I probably should.
Friday. <3 I'm going to come home, sleep, and not wake up except to eat and pee.
I already decided(:
-Love,,Megan O:
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