Dear, I wrote you a song, Despite the fact you did me wrong, and dear, I don't know what the hell is going on with you, But something ain't right, You tell me that you love me, then you go and leave me, why you do this to me baby, I'm love sick, I just can't eat, just can't sleep, can't do much of anything at all, Cause I'm sick and in love with you.
Relapse. I hate relapse. I thought I was doing really well... Then I had about a week to think about things, and I'm not over him. I've been able to write his name a thousand times without having anyone know. I've almost got it perfect. I can't pay attention, because I'm constantly thinking "Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam." I wish I could punch him, or talk to him, or anything. I really do miss him. I see him in the hallways sometimes, and I always think, "If this hadn't happened, I'd be giving him a hug right now. Maybe even a kiss." I know that what happened last year wasn't my fault, but I still think, "If I hadn't gone off on him, if I had been nicer, if I hadn't gotten so upset, maybe there'd still possibly be a chance of an 'us'."
I like fire. I was just playing lighters. That's why I said that. We get a new fridge tomorrow.
Let me tell you about the past week...
1) Tuesday, The fridge broke. Everything in the freezer pretty much went bad.
2) Thursday, Thanksgiving, I sit in a car for 6 hours and pretty much am carsick the entire way.
3) Friday, we go to the bank, and my parents are out 2 THOUSAND DOLLARS.
4) Saturday, my iPod refuses to turn on. I can barely live without music and internet constantly.
This week is bad. And today, I read over this one part of a book, and almost started crying in English. I held back tears the rest of the day...
Christmas break cannot come fast enough for me this year. I just need the break from school, and all the drama that comes with it, but on the other hand, I cannot deal with the emotional stress of being home for 2 weeks straight. I have no plans for this break. Nothing is going to be good about it.
I wish there was a way to be able to go to school without all the drama, or a way to stay home without all the emotional stress that comes with it. Either way, I'm screwed.
Yeah, I might want to go do something productive with my life...
Maybe more next time... Maybe less. I guess we'll never know until it happens.
-Megan[:
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Three Cheers For Five Years
Inside I hope you know I'm dying
With my heart beside me
In shattered pieces that may never be replaced
And if I died right now you'd never be the same
Life is short. Don't take it for granted. My uncle is in a coma. They think he had a stroke. They also think he isn't gonna make it, and if he does he'll be a vegetable. Things aren't looking good for him. I'm at the hospital right now typing this on my iPod.
The walls in this waiting room are all white, and the lights are off because people are sleeping on the couches. I wonder how long they've been here and how much hurt they're hiding from having to be here. We're on the fourth floor of this stupid hospital, and it feels like it's swaying. I might get sick. But it's okay... We are at a hospital...
My sister and her boyfriend are all over each other. It's gross. I dunno. I must go. I need the battery power on here...
Updates later.
-Megan/:
With my heart beside me
In shattered pieces that may never be replaced
And if I died right now you'd never be the same
Life is short. Don't take it for granted. My uncle is in a coma. They think he had a stroke. They also think he isn't gonna make it, and if he does he'll be a vegetable. Things aren't looking good for him. I'm at the hospital right now typing this on my iPod.
The walls in this waiting room are all white, and the lights are off because people are sleeping on the couches. I wonder how long they've been here and how much hurt they're hiding from having to be here. We're on the fourth floor of this stupid hospital, and it feels like it's swaying. I might get sick. But it's okay... We are at a hospital...
My sister and her boyfriend are all over each other. It's gross. I dunno. I must go. I need the battery power on here...
Updates later.
-Megan/:
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Lullaby
Go to sleep and dream of me tonight, everything may not be perfect, but at least we tried, so tonight, sweet dreams, and sleep tight, I've been trying so hard, can't get you out of my mind, and if this is how it has to be, just promise you won't forget me, and I'll leave you with this lullaby, tonight.
I hate school. But I'm in a good mood. I found my old Barney movie, and I'm watching it right now. I love the little thingy. :D Bird ladies are awesome.
Mostly, I made this post to let you know about the song Lullaby by Chase Coy. It's amazing.
Llamas with hats is nice, too.
But, this is the end of this post. Maybe more later, when I'm not busy. [:
-Megan[:
I hate school. But I'm in a good mood. I found my old Barney movie, and I'm watching it right now. I love the little thingy. :D Bird ladies are awesome.
Mostly, I made this post to let you know about the song Lullaby by Chase Coy. It's amazing.
Llamas with hats is nice, too.
But, this is the end of this post. Maybe more later, when I'm not busy. [:
-Megan[:
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Until You're Mine/ Scars
Until you're mine, I have to find a way to fill this hole inside, I can't survive, without you here by my side, Until you're mine, not gonna be even close to complete, I won't rest until you're mine...
I named this post 3 times. And I finally decided on this one. And now I think I wanna change it. I'm back and forth today...
If I could, for just one night, to be with you, to make it right, what we were, and what we are, is hidden in the scars, If I could, take you there, I won't let go, this I swear, you don't have to wonder what we are, cause you won't have to ever look too far within the scars, it's hidden in the scars...
Okay. Now we've hit 4. This is just getting out of hand and I really don't like any of it. I decided to isolate myself today. I'm in my room. It's really cold, and I hate cold. I don't do well with it. If someone asked me to go hang out with them, I would, but right now, sitting in my room alone seems like a good thing to do.
I just found out earlier that the rockstar I was talking about in my last post is actually older than my sister. And now I realize there is even less of a chance of us being together if he's older than my sister.
I can't feel my fingers, and yet, I type anyways. I still want to write a story. I still have no clue what to make it about. I think I'll start the art project I wanted to do awhile ago, seeing as how I just got the right amount of tape to be able to do it. Yeah, I think I'll do that, and keep myself busy for awhile.
Yeah. That sounds like a plan. Bye for now...
-Megan
(I still am not sure of what face to put...)
I named this post 3 times. And I finally decided on this one. And now I think I wanna change it. I'm back and forth today...
If I could, for just one night, to be with you, to make it right, what we were, and what we are, is hidden in the scars, If I could, take you there, I won't let go, this I swear, you don't have to wonder what we are, cause you won't have to ever look too far within the scars, it's hidden in the scars...
Okay. Now we've hit 4. This is just getting out of hand and I really don't like any of it. I decided to isolate myself today. I'm in my room. It's really cold, and I hate cold. I don't do well with it. If someone asked me to go hang out with them, I would, but right now, sitting in my room alone seems like a good thing to do.
I just found out earlier that the rockstar I was talking about in my last post is actually older than my sister. And now I realize there is even less of a chance of us being together if he's older than my sister.
I can't feel my fingers, and yet, I type anyways. I still want to write a story. I still have no clue what to make it about. I think I'll start the art project I wanted to do awhile ago, seeing as how I just got the right amount of tape to be able to do it. Yeah, I think I'll do that, and keep myself busy for awhile.
Yeah. That sounds like a plan. Bye for now...
-Megan
(I still am not sure of what face to put...)
Friday, November 5, 2010
I Hope You Find It
I hope that you get this message that I'm leaving for you, cause I hate that you left without hearing the words that I needed you to, and I hope you find it, what you're looking for, and I hope its everything you dreamed your life could be and so much more, and I hope you're happy where ever you are, I wanted you to know that, and nothing's gonna change that, and I hope you find it...
I feel as though I haven't posted in about twenty years. Eff. That. But really, I didn't have anything to say.
I'm over Sam. And no guy really seems interesting to me except for rockstars and stuff like that.
I could never date a rockstar. But honestly, since I'm not boy crazy at the moment, there isn't much to talk about. I missed a day of school and have a ton of homework to make up, and that's pretty much it. Nothing else has happened.
I have to wake up at 5 tomorrow to babysit. That's something new.
Seriously. Without guys, my life is boring. And I have nothing to talk about. Which makes me think that I'm totally lame.
I AM LAME BECAUSE I HAVE NO LIFE.
I guess that's just how I am. :D
I really, really, really, really, really wanna write a story, but I don't know what about.
Should it be about love? Money? SEX?!
Nah. Sex would be weird and gross to write about. But really, I have nothing to write about and it bothers me.
My english teacher changed our seats again, and I don't sit at the end of a table, and I'm stuck between two people I don't like. That's just great.
My tummy keeps growling, and I think it's because I didn't have much for dinner.
Dinner was not good. Not that the food wasn't good or anything, I just didn't want food. I hate that feeling of being hungry but not wanting food, because, really, there is no reason not to want food when you're hungry. Am I crazy? Did we already know that? Have a touched a baby's hair? Yes. The answer to all of those questions is yes. I mean, who HASN'T touched a baby's hair? Weird people, that's who. And not even the good weird people. The weird weird people. They can get scary sometimes.
Romeo, Romeo, Where for art thou, Romeo?
I would like a Romeo and Juliet love story. Without the death.
My english teacher is becoming the bad kind of crazy to me, because almost all the stories he's had us read involves death, which is a very touchy subject for me. I almost cried in english today because I was tired, didn't feel good, and the story we were reading said death.
Dear English Teacher,
DEATH IS NOT A GOOD THING.
Can we please not talk about it anymore?
Thanks.
So, guess what?
Terrance. I like that kid. But not like that. We tried it before. It didn't work. But we're awesome friends. :D
Oh, and Hostess. I hate how she always is putting herself down. Just because you like someone you aren't supposed to doesn't mean that you're a bad person, it means that your heart knows that you shouldn't but you need to. I think that's what I'm trying to say. And all her APUSH homework is going to drive ME insane. She has no time outside of school to talk to anyone, because she is always doing schoolwork! I miss our late night talks, just the two of us.
I'm not saying I don't like being with Sunshine, Snuzzle, and Mustang, too, but it's becoming too much. I can't handle being with the same "group" of girls constantly. I need some time for just me and my friends, by ourselves. I need to find a new best friend I can hang out with, it seems like. If I want someone to talk to, just me and them, I have to find someone else, and I don't like that feeling. That feeling sucks, and I never want to feel that. I've lost so many friends since the end of the schoolyear, and I'm still recovering.
I used to hang with Sam all the time, that's gone.
I used to hang with Abby, that's gone.
I used to hang with Tasha, that's gone.
And then there's Kortney, Wynter, Christian, Jourdan, Allison, Erin, Samantha, Chelsea, Jayke, Cheyenne, Cheyanne, Christal, Christina, Becca, Tyler, Tyler, Tristan, Wyatt, Wyatt, Nate, Sarah, and more, but that's all pretty much gone. I feel like I've got no one anymore, and it's all annyoing, and it's making me feel bad for myself which is just as annoying. Can I "borrow" someone's young baby sometime? I feel like I need the love... O.O
There I go, crying over past times again. That isn't going to help me move on. At all.
I just realized it is around 10:30, I have to wake up at 5, and I've already been up since 6.
Tomorrow will be an adventure.
Mucho gracias,
Megann
(I couldn't decide on a face to put here...)
I feel as though I haven't posted in about twenty years. Eff. That. But really, I didn't have anything to say.
I'm over Sam. And no guy really seems interesting to me except for rockstars and stuff like that.
I could never date a rockstar. But honestly, since I'm not boy crazy at the moment, there isn't much to talk about. I missed a day of school and have a ton of homework to make up, and that's pretty much it. Nothing else has happened.
I have to wake up at 5 tomorrow to babysit. That's something new.
Seriously. Without guys, my life is boring. And I have nothing to talk about. Which makes me think that I'm totally lame.
I AM LAME BECAUSE I HAVE NO LIFE.
I guess that's just how I am. :D
I really, really, really, really, really wanna write a story, but I don't know what about.
Should it be about love? Money? SEX?!
Nah. Sex would be weird and gross to write about. But really, I have nothing to write about and it bothers me.
My english teacher changed our seats again, and I don't sit at the end of a table, and I'm stuck between two people I don't like. That's just great.
My tummy keeps growling, and I think it's because I didn't have much for dinner.
Dinner was not good. Not that the food wasn't good or anything, I just didn't want food. I hate that feeling of being hungry but not wanting food, because, really, there is no reason not to want food when you're hungry. Am I crazy? Did we already know that? Have a touched a baby's hair? Yes. The answer to all of those questions is yes. I mean, who HASN'T touched a baby's hair? Weird people, that's who. And not even the good weird people. The weird weird people. They can get scary sometimes.
Romeo, Romeo, Where for art thou, Romeo?
I would like a Romeo and Juliet love story. Without the death.
My english teacher is becoming the bad kind of crazy to me, because almost all the stories he's had us read involves death, which is a very touchy subject for me. I almost cried in english today because I was tired, didn't feel good, and the story we were reading said death.
Dear English Teacher,
DEATH IS NOT A GOOD THING.
Can we please not talk about it anymore?
Thanks.
So, guess what?
Terrance. I like that kid. But not like that. We tried it before. It didn't work. But we're awesome friends. :D
Oh, and Hostess. I hate how she always is putting herself down. Just because you like someone you aren't supposed to doesn't mean that you're a bad person, it means that your heart knows that you shouldn't but you need to. I think that's what I'm trying to say. And all her APUSH homework is going to drive ME insane. She has no time outside of school to talk to anyone, because she is always doing schoolwork! I miss our late night talks, just the two of us.
I'm not saying I don't like being with Sunshine, Snuzzle, and Mustang, too, but it's becoming too much. I can't handle being with the same "group" of girls constantly. I need some time for just me and my friends, by ourselves. I need to find a new best friend I can hang out with, it seems like. If I want someone to talk to, just me and them, I have to find someone else, and I don't like that feeling. That feeling sucks, and I never want to feel that. I've lost so many friends since the end of the schoolyear, and I'm still recovering.
I used to hang with Sam all the time, that's gone.
I used to hang with Abby, that's gone.
I used to hang with Tasha, that's gone.
And then there's Kortney, Wynter, Christian, Jourdan, Allison, Erin, Samantha, Chelsea, Jayke, Cheyenne, Cheyanne, Christal, Christina, Becca, Tyler, Tyler, Tristan, Wyatt, Wyatt, Nate, Sarah, and more, but that's all pretty much gone. I feel like I've got no one anymore, and it's all annyoing, and it's making me feel bad for myself which is just as annoying. Can I "borrow" someone's young baby sometime? I feel like I need the love... O.O
There I go, crying over past times again. That isn't going to help me move on. At all.
I just realized it is around 10:30, I have to wake up at 5, and I've already been up since 6.
Tomorrow will be an adventure.
Mucho gracias,
Megann
(I couldn't decide on a face to put here...)
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