Lovesick

Dear, I wrote you a song, Despite the fact you did me wrong, and dear, I don't know what the hell is going on with you, But something ain't right, You tell me that you love me, then you go and leave me, why you do this to me baby, I'm love sick, I just can't eat, just can't sleep, can't do much of anything at all, Cause I'm sick and in love with you.

Relapse. I hate relapse. I thought I was doing really well... Then I had about a week to think about things, and I'm not over him. I've been able to write his name a thousand times without having anyone know. I've almost got it perfect. I can't pay attention, because I'm constantly thinking "Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam." I wish I could punch him, or talk to him, or anything. I really do miss him. I see him in the hallways sometimes, and I always think, "If this hadn't happened, I'd be giving him a hug right now. Maybe even a kiss." I know that what happened last year wasn't my fault, but I still think, "If I hadn't gone off on him, if I had been nicer, if I hadn't gotten so upset, maybe there'd still possibly be a chance of an 'us'."
I like fire. I was just playing lighters. That's why I said that. We get a new fridge tomorrow.

Let me tell you about the past week...
1) Tuesday, The fridge broke. Everything in the freezer pretty much went bad.
2) Thursday, Thanksgiving, I sit in a car for 6 hours and pretty much am carsick the entire way.
3) Friday, we go to the bank, and my parents are out 2 THOUSAND DOLLARS.
4) Saturday, my iPod refuses to turn on. I can barely live without music and internet constantly.

This week is bad. And today, I read over this one part of a book, and almost started crying in English. I held back tears the rest of the day...
Christmas break cannot come fast enough for me this year. I just need the break from school, and all the drama that comes with it, but on the other hand, I cannot deal with the emotional stress of being home for 2 weeks straight. I have no plans for this break. Nothing is going to be good about it.
I wish there was a way to be able to go to school without all the drama, or a way to stay home without all the emotional stress that comes with it. Either way, I'm screwed.
Yeah, I might want to go do something productive with my life...
Maybe more next time... Maybe less. I guess we'll never know until it happens.

-Megan[: