The Past

I've been smoking the green since I was merely sixteen, just to find an escape from this town that was so mean to me...

So, as you've probably guessed, this one will be about my past.
[It's one of those, "I need to blog three times" days...]

My past... It's one of those funny things, only, I guess it really isn't all that funny.
I was born in March, in the year 1995.
I grew up with my mom, dad, sister, and sometimes my half brother. But I won't get into the story about my brother.
We lived in a trailer park until I was 5, and then we moved into my grandparents old house after my grandpa died.
My room was  pink, and I had unicorns and rainbows around the room. A typical little girls room. After my brother left for good, we painted his room blue, and put a night theme in there. Moons, stars, clouds, it looked like an easy place to dream. [I was quite a tomboy during that time.]
After awhile, I moved back into the other room, but it was painted purple and grey. I didn't want to be in my room for some reason, so I had been staying on a blanket on the floor in the blue room. It was the junk room, and I considered myself junk. [It was a hard time for me, which all goes back to my brother, but I won't tell you what it is...]
I went into therapy, which helped a lot. I moved back into my room, and I've been happier.
But things happen.
My two good friends died in a car crash on August 6, 2009. Right before school started.
Everything I did in school was centered around that somehow.
Around that same time this year, I had to go to North Carolina for my great great uncle's funeral. It was really hard, but I managed.
Because of all the death and everything else that had happened, I feel stronger, but I also have more reasons to fall into depressions, which I sometimes do. I don't do anything when I'm in my depressions. No school work, I don't talk, I make myself stay inside, and I isolate myself from people.
Sam put me in a depression.
And I hate how everything turns into something about Sam. Sam is always on my mind, no matter what I'm talking about. Lucifer is, too, but not as intensely as Sam. Terrance has done a terrible job at bringing us back together, but I guess if it was meant to be, it'd happen, and I can't change it, no matter how hard I try.
I know that you're reading this, probably feeling bad for me because of the things I've had to go through, but I don't want you to. I can only wish that you'd take a moment to remember those you've lost, and those that others have lost.
R.I.P.





Sitting in my room, I can only see color. Purple walls, bright blue poster, black and grey television, wooden bookshelf, wooden dresser, and a pink fabric colored corkboard, with my red and blue paintings attached. So many memories a room has, and so many things that have yet to come within these four walls.
My four walls carry more secrets about me than I even know about myself. it gives me comfort, knowing only these walls know what happened. These walls know because I told them. The only other walls that know are the walls of the night themed room. The room where it all happened. Sometimes, I go in there and just remember exactly what happened there, where it happened, and how it changed my life. I would like to tell you what happened within those walls, but that is a story that shall never be told here. Never told here, nor anywhere else. No one needs to know, and yet, everyone needs to know.
I bid thee farewell.
-Megan<3